I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
