Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
