i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
