Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
