Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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