I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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