I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
