i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
time to smoke my breakfast
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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