i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There's always time for handjobs
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
