In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
