fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
