Old men and throwing up are my life now.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
