the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
