You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Randomize
