Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
