i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're a waste of cheezeits
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
