I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
