so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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