the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
did i walk over a car last night?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
