$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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