when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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