the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There's always time for handjobs
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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