Cold hands, warm shart.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
