i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i dont even know how to be here
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
