And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
