you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
