My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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