My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
