so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
