Can i not drive my cunt home
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
