UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
