i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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