i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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