the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
