Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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