i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
