i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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