I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
