Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
