Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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