Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
