I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
