I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
