Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she told me i tasted like america
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
