Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
