The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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