Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
