And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
