i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
