I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
