2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
