The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
