i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
