i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
