watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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